WildWill's Journaal of Epherema

Life in the Big City and being a New Parent


I have a new blog
Space Punk
wmnoe
http://willaday.blogspot.com/

RIP Daniel Rodd Noetling 1952-2013
Space Punk
wmnoe
I've just been informed that my Uncle has passed away a few days ago at the facility he was in out in Pasadena. If I'm correct he's been there for a while, and hopefully his transition was uneventful.

While I knew this day was coming, I am not prepared at all. The wave of emotions that has rushed through me has really thrown me for a loop. I feel loss, sadness and incredible guilt that I didn't try to do more for him, even though I was and am unequipped to deal with his kind of illness, and I've been told by many, many people that I did the best I could for him.

That doesn't mitigate a damn thing.

My father's side of the family is almost all gone now. Thankfully I still have my Great-Aunt Annette (who would be Kaylee's Great-GRAND-Aunt, which is awesome) and her children and grand-children, but they are Peters. As for Noetlings, not that there were very many of them in the first place, but now there are none left besides me and Kaylee. And that whole other side of the family that's related to me in a tangentially sort of way. The Rev. Suloff knows more.


I'd like to write more, but I'm just so...
Tags:

Two years
Space Punk
wmnoe
It has been almost two years since I posted here, what has changed?

Well, Kaylee is now FOUR and a HALF years old and she's in Pre-School at Canfield Elementary. She's in the SLRDP Program that is ending this year after about 30 years in existence, so we do feel very lucky that we were able to get her in. She's really grown a lot from being in school too, she has a TON of school friends, she's learning to read and write, and is paying much better attention to us.

Oh and she's potty trained. More or less. She still has accidents because of her condition, which I forget, endoconpriesis or something like that. Still, she's a great kid and I'm very lucky to be able to be with her all day every day.

That should end this Fall, because she'll be in Kindergarten from 9 to 3, and we'll probably put her into after-school day-care so that I can start temping again. I need to go back to work. Badly. I know my vacation has been far, far too long.

Everything else is OK. I'm working on two different novels at the moment, moving forward with one while the other percolates in my brain.

Remember, hit me up on FACEBOOK, since this thing is more or less dead. I'm only posting here today because I wanted to look up some old entries for a friend.

Later gators.
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The Kaylee Bean Song
Space Punk
wmnoe
I've been singing Kaylee some version of this song since she was little, she actually sings along now. I thought at some point I might want to write down the lyrics, lest I forget, so here it is:


The Kaylee Song by William M. Noetling
(Sung to the tune of "The Ballad of Davy Crockett" music by George Bruns)

Kaylee, Kaylee Beanie
Queen of the Beverly Hills

Born in the hospital called Cedars-Sinai
She’s as cute as a bug
and as sweet as apple pie
And curly golden hair
is what is on her head
She hate’s to have it brushed
so she squeals and whines instead

Kaylee, Kaylee Beanie
Walking by one year old

Well she giggles and she laughs
‘Cause she’s my only one
She’d play all day
Into the setting sun
She smiles so much
And she’s always having fun
She drinks soy milk
By the metric ton

Kaylee, Kaylee Beanie
Queen of the Beverly Hills

Well she swallowed up a penny
And it stuck in her throat
So the Doctor pulled it out
With the help of a scope
She gave her folks
quite a bit of a fright
But in the end,
everything was all right

Kaylee, Kaylee Beanie
Queen of the Beverly Hills

Life, don't talk to me about life
Space Punk
wmnoe
I don't post here very often anymore, I use my Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/william.noetling) to do MOST of my communicating to friends these days.

However, some days I really feel the need to get shit off my chest in a longer format than Facebook really allows, so here goes:

I am REALLY not having a good time right now. Some days I'm so depressed that it takes an awful lot to get out of bed, fortunately I have people who rely on me to take care of them, so I soldier on, but this year has not been kind.

My unemployment insurance finally ran out a couple of months ago, we've spent some time in Marriage counseling, I'm still staying at home caring for Kaylee all day, which while is getting more fun because she's getting older, is very limiting as to what I can and can't do during the day. She's also nowhere NEAR potty trained, which brings me to another quandry, she's going to be ready for Pre-School this fall, and not being ready for the toilet is a big drag.

Bah, this is just another whiney post complaining about nothing really. I have a good life, I have a loving family, a roof over my head, food in the pantry and a car to go where I need to. SO why do I feel so awful?

Looks like we're moving
Space Punk
wmnoe
Yes, we're moving ONE neighborhood over according to the LA Times. For the record, we currently live in , Beverly Grover so in actuality, according to their demographics, we're going to a LESS White neighborhood, so that's nice. We'll also be within walking distance of just about EVERYTHING, including Factor's Deli and so many other great shops and restaurants along Pico.

The apartment is either exactly the same size, or a little smaller, can't really tell to be honest. It is on the first floor though, in the front of a six unit building, and when either the 2-bedroom or 3-bedroom becomes available we'll move right in. It also has a parking space, and it's cheaper (by more than $100 per month) than where we're at now.

So while in a lot of ways it's a lateral move because the building doesn't have a pool or laundry room, it's a step up as well. It will also allow us to get rid of some junk. Oh and the owner of the building is a client of Melissa's at work, so it's better in that sense also.

We're looking at the end of July as a move-date, we're just about ready to turn in our 30 day notice here. Sigh, moving again. I tend to stay put when I'm renting these days, I spent just over 5 years at my place in Korea-town on LaFayette, and we've been here now almost 5 years. When I was in San Diego I spent 7 years at my last place. In between though there were stints of a few months at three different locations, so I think I got really tired of moving. I mean who really enjoys moving anyway?


If it seems as if I'm not updating as much lately, it's because I'm not. I spend most of my social networking time on Facebook these days - if you haven't added me, I'm William Noetling there. Go figure.
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My Uncle Has Been Found
Space Punk
wmnoe
He's been at County USC Medical Center since the day after he went missing from Emmanuel Baptist Shelter. They will be looking for a permanent place for him where he can get the care he needs, and I don't have to be involved. In fact it would be better if there was 'no family' to hinder the process. So that's good. Hell, it's great news to be honest. A lot of pressure has been taken off me.

I need to call my Great-Aunt.

On the fiction front, I have begun the outline, but I need to get back to it.

A Sudden Burst of Creative Energy
Space Punk
wmnoe
Last night I was hit with a sudden burst of creative energy and I spent a couple hours typing up notes for the science fiction novels that I've had percolating in my head for quite sometime. Some of the material actually dates back to the 70's when I was a child. At night when I couldn't sleep I used to pretend that I was the creative genius behind "Laser Wars", a long running serial television show which was completely plagarized from Battlestar Galactica, Star Wars and Star Trek. Mostly Galactica honestly. Over the years I kind of honed the childish ideas into something more cohesive, and I've finally committed the backstory and the basic plots for three novels to paper. Well, to a file anyway. From here I'm going to outline the first book and get started writing soon.

The other day I was chatting with a female friend of mine who shall remain nameless, but she reads the blog so she'll know who I'm talking about, but you won't. Anyway, she's had an especially rough couple of months lately, and I knew she was feeling down in the dumps. During the conversation I let it slip that I still have a crush on her, which is actually 100% true, and I hope I didn't make her feel uncomfortable, because 1) I will NEVER EVER act on it, because I am happily married and 2) I know for a fact that she wouldn't want to get involved with a guy who already has kids, and I respect that completely, and 3) did I mention that I'm happily married? Anyway, the statement was made more for her benefit than mine, I wanted her to feel better about herself and with my total lack of subtlety I let her know my feelings. So I hope this explains a bit more to her, since again I don't want her to feel uncomfortable with me, because I do love her to pieces as a friend as well, and I know she needs some supportive friends right about now.

I actually have a couple of women friends who I'm completely and utterly attracted to in a crush kind of manner, but I do love my wife so much that I couldn't fathom cheating on her. OK, that's not entirely accurate, I fathom it all the time, it seeps into my dream state, but then again I also dream that my father is still alive amongst other strangeness.

On other fronts, Mom is taking Kaylee for Friday night/Saturday morning, so Melissa and I have a free Friday with nothing planned! I looked at the comedy calendar over at LA Weekly, but the only thing that looked interesting was Maria Bamford at the Improv, and I'm not even sure Mel likes Maria Bamford. I really enjoy her comedy though, so who knows. I am also considering the Angels/Mariners game, or we could go to Disneyland again too. There aren't any movies out right now that I'm anxious to spent a ton of money on, so I'm looking for alternatives. Doesn't look like there's anything interesting in the music front either, but then again we haven't been to a music club in so long, it would feel odd as well. So I'm searching.

It is though, time to put the child down for a nap, so with that I bid adieu.
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May has completely blown huge chunks as a month.
Space Punk
wmnoe
This post is adapted from some entries I made on a message board, I'll try to edit it appropriately.



My father died when I was 16 in 1988 at the age of 40, this isn't about him though. His father died before I was born, and his mother was left to deal with my Uncle Dan, who was still problem child in his late teens. Over the years he became an artist more or less, and has held other odd jobs, but never really had to work for his living, his mother took care of him financially. While my father was in the hospital with terminal cancer he asked his mother if she would loan my mother and I $5,000 to take care of the medical bills and funeral expenses, she initially agreed and then reneged the next day, my mother suspected that Dan talked her out of the loan, though we never were able to figure that out for sure. Oh and she had the money, her estate was valued at her death at over $500,000.

I do not wish to speak ill of the dead, however, my Grandmother was not a nice person, she was never warm, and IMHO should have never had children at all. Her life ended when her husband died, and that's really sad when you have two children to look after. She just never got over him. Her own sister disowned her because she always said "my sister treated me like shit, I'm 80 years old I shouldn't have to put up with that." My Great Aunt Annette is a wonderful person, who I am still in touch with and we go to see her when we can. Her son and daughter-in-law are visiting in June, and I hope we get a chance to see them then.

After my father died my Uncle was a good friend to me, and helped me out a bit. I did idolize him for a time and patterned some of myself after him. He is the reason I've been a vegetarian for 20 years. In 1998 I left San Diego where I'd been living for since 1980 because the economy sucked and I couldn't find a job, I moved in with my Grandmother and my Uncle, though initially he wasn't going to move back home. I stayed about six months, and our relationship deteriorated from day one. I was removed from my Grandmother's will because I wasn't fiscally responsible according to them. Even though I did everything they asked me to do while living there. I moved in August 31, 1998, by December I had already gotten gainful employment, and by May when I left I had gotten a driver license and a car!

My grandmother died in 1998, leaving her entire estate to my Uncle. He asked me to 'help' with the funeral arrangements, though I guess by that he just meant that he wanted a ride to the funeral home, because he told me in no uncertain words that my wishes wouldn't be a consideration (not that I had any mind you, but he felt it important to tell me that). By 2000 my Uncle and I were barely speaking and on the weekend that I met the woman who would become my wife, he cut me out of his life completely, telling me that I was no longer family to him because I couldn't live up to his expectations. He left for an extended trip of Europe on the Concorde and I didn't hear about him for several years. I have already posted several emails of his because they show how callous an indvidual he was.

In 2006 when I became a father myself I found out where he was and contacted him to let him know and reopened lines of communication. By the time that we were ready for a face-to-face meeting, something had changed in him, he had lost a serious amount of his memory and personality. Over the last two years I've helped him move and get his Medical Marijuana recommendation for his chronic cluster headaches and other pain. I've visited him quite often and kept the lines of communication open between him and his friends who have all abandoned him because of his behavior. I have gone above and beyond to assist him because he is family, and he has no one else to rely upon.

On May 1, 2008 he was in a hospital bed in Downtown LA waiting to get placed into an assisted living facility because he can no longer care for himself, and he's no longer lucid. He's had a brain hemmorage and a stroke in the last week. I had last seen him about a month ago, and while I noticed that he wasn't doing particularly well, I did feel at the time that he could still care for himself. Two weeks ago he supposedly withdrew the last of his savings, about $25,000 and went to Disneyland, which was the only thing that he enjoyed doing over the last several years. Somehow he lost all of that money. Not spent, not gambled...LOST.

I'm not going to take in my Uncle...I can barely tolerate his presence for more than 5 minutes. Apparantly he is refusing to eat or cooperate with the hospital staff, but they assure me that they will not discharge him wihtout being placed in another facility. I'm also not going to take financial responsibility for him, because frankly I don't have the money to care for him either. I'm the full-time parent for my 2 1/2 year old daughter, so when I had to go to the Hospital on Thursday, I had to take her with me, and she was scared to death of him. When she cried because she's scared (which she virtually NEVER does) he had the nerve to say that she was "unpleasant" to which I told him that it was unpleasant for us to even be there.

I don't WANT the responsibility of making decisions for him, and I shouldn't have to either. He had the money and the resources years ago to plan for his future, and he did nothing, except sell the house and buy a few stocks. Lately he'd been bragging how much money he had in the bank, and how much stock he had and how much it was going to be worth, at the same time he was claiming the Publisher's Clearing House was going to pay him 2.5 Million because he won a contest (that of course he never entered). He's lost thousands recently by being scammed by those monthly "services" that never amount to anything. He claimed he wanted to help me and my family, and I told him that we could use some money, but nothing ever came our way. He was handing it out left and right, but not to me.

So the morale of the story kids is to make some plans for when you get old. Start a 401K or at least a savings account and set up a living trust so that if you're incapacitated you can still have your wishes fufilled.


My Uncle is just 57 years old, and he looks like he's 80. His entire life hasn't amounted to a damn thing, and that's just really sad.
He is my Father's brother, and for better or worse, he's the last link I have to my Dad, and that's very important to me. I'm nearing 40, and have just started my own family, so this all weighs on me quite a bit.


Later:

He's still in the hospital, but we found his money, so I'm hoping that we'll be able to put him into an assisted living situation this week. He's awake and lucid, but nowhere near coherent. We went to see him yesterday and all he kept saying was that he had his cluster headaches. When we got there the nurses were trying to remove the catheter from his penis, which he wouldn't let them do because he claimed he didn't have one - he wouldn't even look down to verify that he did! He got very angry and almost violent with the two women, which was extremely upsetting. He recognizes me, but he's simply no longer able to care for himself.

It's all so disheartening. I'm not sure it would even be easier if we had been able to hash out our differences as coherent individuals.

Basically it all sucks.
__________________

The Next Week
On Monday I talk to a couple of people who pretty much tell me that I have to take Power of Attorney, and get access to his money, which by now I've verified that he actually has (he has just under 50K to his name, most of it in stocks and securities, but a little actual cash). This doesn't make me happy at all, because ultimately it means I'm responsible for him 100%, including once his money runs out, which I'm really not pleased about. In the short term I can get him out of the hospital and into a psychiatric group home, and can pay off his bills, and perhaps even do a little something for my family - such as starting a trust fund for my daughter's education which he had talked about at one point in the past.

Anyway, Tuesday rolls around and the social worker calls me to get me to come down and get the Power of Attorney notarized and start the process. I put together a folder of paperwork that I figured I need, his passport, social security card, bank info, investment info, and my checkbook; my intention was to go straight to the bank and close out his checking account because he had several 'weird' monthly charges I wanted stopped.

We get to the hospital and the notary comes up to see him. She asks him questions to figure out if he's even capable and understands what's happening, and eventually says she'll do the notary. BUT - no one has the form. The social worker said he would provide it, but he didn't have one. It was a mess. In the mean-time my wife has called from work asking if she should come down and be with me, which I said would be very helpful, and I tell her to buy the forms at the Kinkos across the street from her work, because I saw them there last week. She does, and comes down to the hospital, takes about an hour. In the interium, I left the hospital to go to Subway for some lunch, after which I walked around the block, stopped in a Goodwill to buy a book, looked around in a 99 cent story, etc. I had time to kill since it took my wife an hour to get there.

During that hour I lost the important folder. You know, the REALLY important folder.

So now I'm stressed beyond belief. We can't do anything without his ID, which was IN THE FOLDER. We retrace my steps, no folder. After a long time looking, I resigned myself to the fact that the folder was lost and we would move forward without it. There was a woman who worked for an outside agency who helped me apply for Medi-Cal for my Uncle, and she took a photo-copy of his passport and social security card, so we'd hoped that would be satisfactory for the notary. If not, the social worker was going to have the hospital make a patient ID card for my uncle and that would work. Either way, Wednesday was supposed to have stuff happen in the afternoon.

Except that no one called me on Wednesday.

Thursday morning I speak to the Social Worker who says that now they don't want me to take Power of Attorny because it would make things more difficult after he was placed, and that they'll place him based on what they have without me having to do more.

Friday afternoon I speak with a higher-up Social Worker who tells me that it would have been illegal for me to take Power of Attorney, because now my Uncle has been diagnosed Paranoid Schizophrenic, and asked me how long he'd been that way! She couldn't believe that it was a new thing, which it wasn't, but it wasn't as bad as it is now. She was very upset with the handling of the case so far, and assured me that it would be resolved shortly, and that he'd be placed as quickly as possible because it is definitely impossible for him to care for himself.

So now all I have to do is clean out his apartment before the 10th of June...which is an omnious day for me as it is, that's the date that my father (my Uncle's brother) died in 1987.


BUT I did also get a call from the apartment building on Friday saying that the Police had found my folder and brought it to them since their address was on all the paperwork! So at least we didn't lose our stuff completely.

Now
When I picked up the folder from the apartment building office I was treated rudely by the staff there, and that pretty much sealed my decision for me, I was no longer interested in dealing with my Uncle's shit. I grabbed the rest of the stuff of his that I wanted, and left.

Last Tuesday I was contacted by a hospital in Alhambra that stated that they had Dan in their charge because Good Samaritan had discharged him to them and wanted to discharge him. I got very angry and stated under no uncertain terms that he wasn't to be discharged, and that I wanted to know why he was discharged in the first place. She had no idea, but would look into it.

At this point I was really upset and guilt stricken. What more could I do? I had had it. I angrily called Good Samaritan and spoke to some Nurse supervisor who said she would look into it and contact me back. She never has. I called and left a message for the social worker, he's never called me back.

Dan was discharged and sent to Emmanuel Baptist Homeless Shelter last Friday. As of this morning I have found out that he has left the facility and is wandering around Downtown Los Angeles without a clue as to what's going on.

Do I blame myself? Partly, but at the same time I expected more from the social workers at Good Samaritan hospital. I'm sure that I would have a hell of a lawsuit for them dumping him, but I'm sure the hit they'll take on his hospital bill will cover the expense, since there's no way they're going to get paid for his two plus weeks of hospitalization.


If you've read all this, kudos to you. I'm really hoping that I can purge myself of the residual anger that I still have towards him, and also the anger I feel towards the "system" that didn't help him. At the same time I know I could have done more, and would have if our relationship had been better. After reading my emails posted in the previous entry, I think I did all I could though, and I hope that you don't judge me too harshly.
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Emails from Dan - For Posterity
Space Punk
wmnoe
This post is just really for me to read everything in one place, but also to allow others to read the missives and give their opinions. See, despite everything I still feel incredibly guilty over what has happened, and I feel like I should have done more. Then again, I read these emails and feel like I've done enough, and my guilt is assuaged. However, I also, like many human beings, need validation from my peers that I have done the right thing:

I sent this to him on August 11, 2003:


Dear Dan,

Hi there. It's been awhile. Three years. Long time.
Long time for me to be mad at you. Long time for me
to thing about what I want to say to you. Long time
that I've been wondering what the heck I did to piss
you off so much that you completely shut me out of
your life.

It's been a long time.

First of all...thanks for finding out about Peggy.
Obviously that's how I got your email. Peggy called
me some time ago, and we resumed our relationship. I
was hoping to get to go out there before too long, in
fact, at one point our honeymoon was going to be a
drive to Las Vegas, and we'd stop and see Peggy.
That's changed now...but still. When Annette emailed
me the other day I got concerned, and to an extent I
feel better. Annette doesn't want to call Setsu, but
I will probably do so.

Second, this will be my one, and last attempt to
contact you. If you really don't want to have
anything to do with me, then fine, just reply back to
that extent, and I will never, ever bother you again.
I will delete your email address, and I will destroy
your phone number. Peggy gave it to me because she
was also upset that we haven't talked. I've had it
for some time, but I haven't called, because knowing
you as I used to know you, you are going to tell me
what I don't want to hear, and that is that you don't
want to have anything to do with me. And that makes
me very sad.

I don't really know what I did to piss you off so
much. I guess maybe it was that I didn't come get the
train set that you were holding for me. I don't know.
Perhaps you think that I was taking advantage of Ruth
by moving in with her in September of 98, and that I
didn't contribute anything to the household. Again, I
don't know. Perhaps you think that I think I deserve
more of Ruth's money, again, I don't know. The fact
of the matter is, I don't know WHY at all you cut off
communication with me. Whatever it was that I did,
well, I don't know what that is. I can't atone for
something that I don't know I did. All I know is that
you stopped talking to me. I didn't want to come over
one Sunday morning when I had plans with Melissa, and
you stopped talking to me.

I don't know if you remember, but the last time we
spoke, I had just met Melissa, and we were just
starting to explore our relationship. Well, we're
getting married on October 4. I guess that says how
our relationship is going. The last three years have
been extremely interesting for me, and a huge period
of growth.

One week after I met Melissa, I think right before we
had our falling out, I was laid off from MJW
INvestments with no warning whatsoever. I wasn't
given a severance, though I did get unemployment. I
started working again shortly thereafter for a
Security Systems company in a management capacity, but
I left there too. My most recent job was as
night/weekend manager at a Market Research company. I
left that too. The reason why I left these good, but
unrewarding jobs, was because I wasn't happy working
without a goal. Well, I have a goal. I'm graduating
SMC next Spring (hopefully) with my AA in Liberal
Arts, then I'm going to UCLA for my BA in English,
with which I hope to work as a journalist in a
progressive magazine type environment. I may have to
start it myself...but the main thing is that I'm in
school full time.

Melissa moved in here January 2002, and while it's
small, it's working fine. She is the manager of a
Women's Clothing Store in Beverly Hills, and earns
more than I have EVER made. She fully supports me
going to school full time.

Probably the biggest change was that I stopped
drinking alcohol, completely. My doctor told me
either I stopped drinking or I died. My liver was
starting to shut down, due to a fatty liver. It took
them 6 months to tell me this. Thus, I do not drink
at all. I didn't go to a 12 step, or anything like
that, and I still partake of the green stuff (more
than ever actually), but not drinking has given me a
good perspective on what has happened...that and I'm
now 32 years old, not 29...I've even got grey hairs!

And as I said, I've been thinking about this for three
years. A lot of the time I've been mad. Mad because
it just didn't seem fair. You left without even
telling me what was going on. We never had a heart to
heart, we never talked at all. I guess I felt
completely and utterly betrayed. To an extent I still
do.

After all the things that we shared, all the late
night conversations. All the things that you exposed
to me...all the things that you meant to me...hell I
idolized you...I became a vegetarian (and I still am),
because of you. There hasn't been a day that has gone
by where I don't think about my Uncle Dan, and what's
going on. I used to do google searches to see if I
could find you. I know you played in some chess
tournaments in Holland (I think). I've never hid from
you either. I stayed in the same apartment, my email
is the same as it ever was (BTW, WMNOE look familiar?
Drnoe?)

You know, getting married has shown me one thing...my
family is extremely small. Basically on my dad's side
I have you, Annette and her kids, Jeri and Bob. I
know there's some more cousins, but I really was never
around them. My mom's side is growing smaller and
smaller too. My side at the wedding is going to be
grossly underrepresented. Melissa has a HUGE family,
two sisters and a brother, and they're all married.
In fact, there's going to be 6 nieces and nephews that
I'm going to inherit. So It's going to be cool that
I'm going to be Uncle William. And when I think about
that, I can only hope that I can be as cool to my
neices and nephews as you and Harley were to me when I
was growing up.

I used to brag that both my Uncles were really cool
guys. And it's so damn hard for me to believe that
you can be so cold to me. I really truly do not
understand what happened, and I guess this is my last
plea for some forgiveness and understanding. I
really, truly miss you. What's past is past. I'd
like to have a good relationship with my uncle in the
future. I'd like to have him at my wedding, if for no
other reason, than that my father can't be there, but
that he should be represented.

However, I have done all that I can do at this point.
I have offered an olive branch of peace. It is up to
you to take it. Again, if you truly don't want to
have anything to do with me, well, that's your
decision. Please understand I want nothing from you
other than your friendship and love. I do not want
money or favors or anything else. If you really don't
want to have a relationship with your closest flesh
and blood, then so be it, and I will not bother you
again.

I hope to hear from you soon.

Love William.

--------------

This was the response I received on August 15, 2003

William,
I don't want to keep you in suspense too long so
here's something;
I'm willing to start over.
Family means nada or close to so I'm talking
elementary friendship i.e. AQUAINTENCE meaning we are
becoming aquainted not re-aquainted because frankly
our previous relationship is over. The only residual
good will I have towards you is evinced in this offer.
You sound bewildered by my behavior towards you.
And I am bewildered by your bewilderment. I was and
am up front with all my friends about what's
acceptable to me and what isn't. You knew and cared
not.
I am absolutely unwilling to iterate the causes.
Either we put that behind us or say good-night.
I have been thinking about phrases and details but as
you said, you've had years to think about what you
wanted to say and I have had a few days.
If this offer isn't acceptable to you then you may
do the drastic if you want but the modicum of residual
good will I have will keep the door open for the
future.
I'll leave it here for now.
Dan
--------------------

My same day response:

I honestly don't know how to respond.

It's obvious that the "Uncle Dan" that I knew and
loved is long gone. Fine. As human beings the only
thing constant is change. I like to think that I do
thins to improve myself all the time, I realize that
there are some setbacks and some advances, but I'd
like to think that I'm a better human being now than I
was last month, last year or last decade.

Learning about myself and my place in the world is an
everyday thing for me. It helps that I finally have
some goals and good things happening, it makes me
forget about the harder times in the past.

I just got finished with an ecology class at SMC that
satisfied my science requirement. THe class was quite
interesting, in that it informed me about the damage
humans have done and continue to do to the
environment, and how we can work together to create
sustainable systems. What was interesting is that I
already knew a lot about the subject, because you
taught me quite a bit. Now I a much more aware of my
individual impact on the environment, and I'm taking
steps to reduce it. That is directly your influence.

I'm torn then. Since as I mentioned the person that I
knew and loved is obviously gone. I suppose then the
question is do I want to know the person that has
replaced him. I guess I don't know. I suppose we are
again at a acquantance level relationship, since I'm
sure you have the same attitude about me. With age
brings wisdom, and the hardships and good things that
have happened to me over the last three years have
humbled me quite a bit, but also made me wiser and
smarter. Not drinking has totally changed the way I
deal with people (for the better I think), and alcohol
doesn't poison my health anymore. I don't spend money
on alcohol like I used to. Regardless, I'm different,
you're different. I guess we need to see if we even
want to know each other anymore.

If we do great.
If we don't, great, at least we'll have made an
effort. I've had falling outs with many of my friends
over the years, I'm concerned that it's something in
my character that makes people not want to know me. I
don't know what that is, and every day I'm trying to
figure it out. This will be a good step towards
discovering that.

Let's see what happens next, with no expectations.
Whatever happens happens.

I look forward to your response though. Take your
time, I'm in no hurry.

------------------

This was the next real message I got from him; in the interium my Great Aunt (his Aunt) passed away, she was my Grandfather William Zook Noetling's sister, Margaret Jones.

> William,
> I've emerged from the cluster cycle, mostly, and
> though I'm not as clear headed as I'd like I am
> clear
> enough to pick up our conversation , such as it is.
> Truth to tell I am not especially upbeat these days
> and don't have anything positive to tell you. I'm
> not
> responding to your letter below for that was written
> sometime ago and I have lost that thread.
> Peggy dying sounds like an echo from my past. I had
> a
> family once.
> Happy Halloween
> Dan

I responded 10-11-03, a day after I got back from our Honeymoon:

Well, OK. I just got back from my honeymoon, so I'm
in a great place. Not as good as last week when we
were on the cruise, but still a good place.

Anyway, I hope you will be doing better soon, and I do
hope to talk to you in person, for lunch or something.

I saw Annette, Mark and Jeri at the wedding. Annette
doesn't look like she's doing all that well, but she
was in great spirits.

Well, keep in touch, if you want to.

Wm

-----------

We did not hear from him again for a couple of years.

IN 2006 I informed him that we were pregnant with Kaylee:

>Don't know if you care, but you're going to be a great-uncle in late September or October.

Received this response:

Hello,
Care is kind of a fluffy word. Easy to say, hard to
define.
Families aren't something I value a lot.
Still, I'm happy for you and Melissa (providing you
both want a child
of course) and hopefully wish she/he/they are healthy.
I have moved to South Pasadena.
I'm glad you wrote because I've been thinking about
what sort of relations I'd like to have with you.
Though my family values are weak they exist so
whereas I don't think of you as a friend I do wish to
have some contact so as to maintain family ties. For a
childs sake I think it's god to have uncles. And
aunts and grand parents. And our family is pretty
thin.
So this is a good year to create some kind of social
footing 'tween us.
If you'd like, dining is traditional.
where are you living ?
Dan
------------------------

My response of March 8, 2006

I'm glad you responded as well. We're living near the
Beverly Center at the moment, though we'll probably be
moving within the next six months, as we have a
one-bedroom, and it's not big enough.

The baby was definitely well planned out, and the
timing is near perfect. As for getting together, that
may be a bit difficult in the next few weeks/months.
I have two more weeks of classes at UCLA for this
quarter, and they're going to be VERY hectic with
papers and finals. Then we're going to San Francisco
to see Robin and James for a week. In April we'll
have more free time to get together.

Oh and I'm graduating from UCLA with my degree in
English in June.

--------------------------

We did not get together, but kept in touch. His emails became a bit more upbeat, he was moving in January of 2008:

Hi William,
I have maybe 200 LP's. 2/3 of which belonged toPete
Peters my parents and your father. A lot are from the
40's and 50's and I think some of them may be rare.
Vinyl LP's themselves are valuable for recycling.
I also have a ton of family photos.
If you want the LP's and the photos you are welcome
to them. Where I am moving I will not need most of my
belongings so I will be putting that in storage. No
point storing LP's or family documents.There are some
antiques and Noetling historical items.
Would you like to come pick them up ?
There may be other things here which might catch your
eye.
Tons of art books too. Of course you may not have the
space but you have my permission to sell any of it.
You can consider it a Birthday present . I will be
moving towards the end of the month so you would need
to drive over here no later than your birthday because
I have to empty the house so i can have the place
cleaned.
Please respond so I'll know what I have to do.I may
have a nice gift for your wife also.
Hope 2008 is a good year for you and your family.
Cheers

----------------

We did get together a bit later that month, and resumed our relationship. Thought at that point it was clear to me that he had already undergone a drastic personality change.
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